Mistakes happen. How you handle them is what matters most.
To not anticipate mistakes is futile. It happens. We are human and “to err” is in the nature of being. Shockingly, these statements are coming from a “perfectionist” but I am currently “on the wagon”. I didn’t think of myself as a perfectionist for a long time. I had “exacting” standards. I demanded the very best from myself (and wanted it from others). Error-free was the baseline. These are just a few of the many statements perfectionists use to justify setting unrealistic targets and expecting unrealistic outcomes. The paradox within my own search for perfection was that although I wanted the very best from others I did not expect it. Why? Because, of course, I knew that to expect others to live up to my standards was ridiculous and unrealistic. After all, my standards for myself were ridiculous and unrealistic!
For perfectionists, mistakes sound a death knell and then the kicking, head-banging, and wallowing begins. The error takes on monumental proportions and can ruin everything that comes after. We see some of the best examples of this in sports. The player who makes a mistake and compounds it play after play or round after round. We say that he was off his game that day. The player accepts that he was off his game that day. Nonsense! He wasn’t off his game that day. He just didn’t know how to get back on his game. This same scene is also played out in offices, on work sites, and in homes day in and day out by people who expect perfection when they don’t get it. They beat themselves up in the aftermath of the error and it then affects the next thing and the next thing that he or she does. She’s having a bad day. Again, nonsense! She hasn’t figured out how to recover and move beyond the first mistake.
Recovery is a conscious act. It can be approached in a similar step by step manner used in many counseling programs. It’s a bit more concise than 12 Steps but is just as effective. The first step requires acknowledgement that we are human, errors happen, period. Next, acknowledge the current state just as a fact, placing no judgment on it as good, bad, or ugly. Just the facts, ma’am, as it is. Next, consciously take in that it is in the past now and no amount of “should haves” will change it so don’t go down that path. Next, move forward. Ask what can I do about the current state? What corrections can I make? If corrections are possible, make them. If corrections are not possible, ask what lesson can I take away from this for the future? Internalize the lessons and then move on by letting go. Don’t continue to beat up yourself. Don’t wallow in it. You’ve corrected it and gained something from it. It’s over and done. Let it go.
Take it from a recovering perfectionist, following the steps above will change the way you handle mistakes when they occur and will lessen the amount of angst you suffer over simple human errors. The objective is not to strive for perfection but for excellence. Excellence is progressive and is acheived through learning. It becomes a synergistic process through which one gets better and better. Perfectionism leaves no room for this type of growth. Getting to this point doesn’t happen overnight. I’m still working on it, but it is working.
Best regards,
Vivian L. Mora, MSS, SPHR
Vivian L. Mora is certified as a senior professional in human resources (SPHR) by the Human Resources Certification Institution and holds a master’s degree in sociology and economics. She is the founder and managing partner of Mora & Associates, a retained executive search and human capital consulting firm based in Katy, TX.
Vivian offers HR technical expertise including coaching and mentoring (http://morahr.com/HR_Alignment.aspx). For more information, please call (877) 310-6553, ext. 702 or email her at vivian@morahr.com.
