Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘human behavior’

Mistakes happen. How you handle them is what matters most.

To not anticipate mistakes is futile. It happens. We are human and “to err” is in the nature of being. Shockingly, these statements are coming from a “perfectionist” but I am currently “on the wagon”.  I didn’t think of myself as a perfectionist for a long time. I had “exacting” standards. I demanded the very best from myself (and wanted it from others). Error-free was the baseline. These are just a few of the many statements perfectionists use to justify setting unrealistic targets and expecting unrealistic outcomes. The paradox within my own search for perfection was that although I wanted the very best from others I did not expect it. Why?  Because, of course, I knew that to expect others to live up to my standards was ridiculous and unrealistic. After all, my standards for myself were ridiculous and unrealistic!

For perfectionists, mistakes sound a death knell and then the kicking, head-banging, and wallowing begins. The error takes on monumental proportions and can ruin everything that comes after. We see some of the best examples of this in sports. The player who makes a mistake and compounds it play after play or round after round. We say that he was off his game that day. The player accepts that he was off his game that day. Nonsense! He wasn’t off his game that day. He just didn’t know how to get back on his game.  This same scene is also played out in offices, on work sites, and in homes day in and day out by people who expect perfection when they don’t get it. They beat themselves up in the aftermath of the error and it then affects the next thing and the next thing that he or she does. She’s having a bad day. Again, nonsense! She hasn’t figured out how to recover and move beyond the first mistake.

Recovery is a conscious act. It can be approached in a similar step by step manner used in many counseling programs. It’s a bit more concise than 12 Steps but is just as effective. The first step requires acknowledgement that we are human, errors happen, period. Next, acknowledge the current state just as a fact, placing no judgment on it as good, bad, or ugly. Just the facts, ma’am, as it is. Next, consciously take in that it is in the past now and no amount of “should haves” will change it so don’t go down that path. Next, move forward. Ask what can I do about the current state? What corrections can I make? If corrections are possible, make them. If corrections are not possible, ask what lesson can I take away from this for the future? Internalize the lessons and then move on by letting go.  Don’t continue to beat up yourself. Don’t wallow in it. You’ve corrected it and gained something from it.  It’s over and done.  Let it go.

Take it from a recovering perfectionist, following the steps above will change the way you handle mistakes when they occur and will lessen the amount of angst you suffer over simple human errors. The objective is not to strive for perfection but for excellence. Excellence is progressive and is acheived through learning. It becomes a synergistic process through which one gets better and better. Perfectionism leaves no room for this type of growth. Getting to this point doesn’t happen overnight. I’m still working on it, but it is working.

Best regards,

Vivian L. Mora, MSS, SPHR

Vivian L. Mora is certified as a senior professional in human resources (SPHR) by the Human Resources Certification Institution and holds a master’s degree in sociology and economics.  She is the founder and managing partner of Mora & Associates, a retained executive search and human capital consulting firm based in Katy, TX. 

Vivian offers HR technical expertise including coaching and mentoring (http://morahr.com/HR_Alignment.aspx).  For more information, please call (877) 310-6553, ext. 702 or email her at vivian@morahr.com.

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

I’ve uttered those words many times in giving advice to others when they are either seeking a creative solution, stumped, frustrated, overwhelmed, upset, burned out, angry, or just plain bored.  There are so many times when this action is not only the right thing to do but the only thing to do.  There wasn’t anyone around to utter those words to me last month when my plate overflowed with the things of LIFE.  I missed my self-imposed schedule for blogging and every day that I failed to complete it, I piled it back on the plate for tomorrow along with ten other things.  It became the leftover Thanksgiving turkey that instead of eating it, you just move it around the plate to make it look like you ate some of it.  The very next day, there it was again!  Finally, two-thirds of the way into August, I realized that I needed to step away for a moment and stop serving up this leftover.

There are so many instances in life where merely stepping away for a moment allows us to go forward. What does it really do for you? It allows your mind to let go of the stress of dealing  with the issue for a moment. You relax and actually feel the tension that you felt over the issue seep away.  You move on to other things with undivided attention and those things come more easily to you because you’re able to focus without the distraction of that unfinished work at the back of your mind.  Before you know it, you mind is clear and you begin to get new insights and perspectives on the very issue that previously had you tied in knots.  The bigger picture comes into focus rather than the minutiae associated with being so task-oriented.  This is the very reason we take vacations!  It clears the mind and allows us to re-energize.  The “step-away” could be thought of as kind of an instant vacation that we can take whenever it is needed.  We all could use more vacation time, right? 

The most important outcome of stepping away for a moment is that you return revitalized and more productive than before.  Your refreshed mind finds that creative solution, is now more open, calm, and ready for whatever is next!  My mini-vacation from blogging spanned the entire month of August but I’m back and ready for whatever is next!!

Read Full Post »

We are all professionals in whatever endeavor we have chosen and we are also multidimensional human beings. There are so many things that define who we are.  This can make developing and defining yourself on the web somewhat tricky. There are so many web and social networking tools available for “putting yourself” out there. It’s difficult to not scatter yourself in every direction. I am on Facebook and LinkedIn. I have 3 websites. I blog at WordPress and I tweet on Twitter. I even have a MySpace page that I haven’t visited in months. This entry was inspired by a recent invitation from someone I think highly of to connect with them on Namyz although we are already connected on LinkedIn. When I received the invitation, I followed the link to Namyz. However, as I contemplated setting up another social networking profile, something held me back. I couldn’t do it. It had nothing to do with Namyz itself. I came to realize that I am spread too far already which explains why my MySpace page languishes without any interference from me. I’ve reached my limit of what I am capable of maintaining with any level of quality while still putting in several hours of “real” work each day. I urge you from a professional and a personal standpoint to also examine your current web presence. Have you excercised discipline as well as a healthy level of caution in defining yourself on the web?

Our lives are made up of a series of choices and the behaviors that result from them – the things that we do and things that we don’t do.  My professional expertise lies in the practice of human resources and I am a masters-level sociologist by academic discipline. Given this background, of course, I believe that behaviors define who you really are. When considering a job candidate, I focus very sharply on the things the canddiate does as well as the things the candidate does not do – the choices he or she has made along the way. With so many companies utilizing your social networking presence to find you and to then determine whether or not you may be a good fit within their organization, exercising discipline in establishing and maintaining your web presence can be critical to your career. For others, like me, who are either entrepreneurs and business owners or who work independently, your web presence can help an individual or organization decide whether or not to conduct business with you. Does that not make your web presence something you consider very carefully each time you sign on?

My WordPress blog, LinkedIn profile, Facebook page, website content, and Twitter tweets all define me to those who don’t know me personally. I want ensure that definition is one of quality not just quantity, so should you. Choose carefully!

“No choice ranks a man so quickly as his skill in selecting things that are really worthwhile. Every day brings the necessity of keen discrimination. Not always is it a choice between good and bad, but between good and best.”  A.P. Gouthey

Read Full Post »